Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
