Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
