Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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