there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize