Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My balls are so social today.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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