I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
