He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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