if you like me you must not know who I am
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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