I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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