I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
