i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
