ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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