At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
