Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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