im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I would ride that face into the sunset
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
