Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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