I'm going to jail i love you
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
