Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
