Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
