my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
