did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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