Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize