she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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