seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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