i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize