I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
