This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
