I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
