Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
