Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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