last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
