Ketchup is God's man juice
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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