I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize