I'm so fucking centered right now
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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