You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
