no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
