im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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