I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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