All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Quick, to the slutcave!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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