Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
