yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
