walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
