I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's on the porch naked. Help.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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