So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
