Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Operation Purity has been aborted
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
