i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
