some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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