the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
