We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I see more hoeing in ur future
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
