Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
