I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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