fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
