I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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