Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
