He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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