I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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