hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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