im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
