We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
