help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
