i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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