I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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