it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
