i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
