So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
