i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
