seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I didn't notice because vodka
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
