as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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