The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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