I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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