Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize