yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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