Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
