Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize