honey bunches of taint.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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